Refocussing of energy

I am an expert procrastinator. I can put all manner of things off for inextricably long periods of time. Sometimes this serves me really well, as it gives me time to reflect on making a more informed decision. Other times the amount of stress that something so tiny can brings feels insurmountable. Over the last few days, I have been reflecting on this and trying to see if there are any particular patterns to the sorts of things I sometimes put off.

Phone calls, texts, emails. These I can generally put off until they are beyond panic station. It isn’t that I particularly hate any of these tasks, but I feel them as weight, something more that I have to contend with. The strange part of it is, I know that the relief I will feel afterwards is epic, but that isn’t always enough to provide me with motivation.

Similarly, I dislike dealing with things too fast. Like with my tax. I will complete everything really early, but not submit it until the month it is due. Just in case there are any changes. I have no idea what these changes are to be, but because I know I have more time to complete it, I like to have that time available to me.

The same was with essays at university. Didn’t matter how long the deadline was, I would be working up to usually the last half hour before submission. It is crazy, it is stressful, but I sort of enjoyed the last minute rush of activity.

Maybe my life simply doesn’t provide me with enough urgency. There is very little that absolutely has to be done in the ‘right now’. Most things can wait. Possibly having a good level of patience and reflection would be calm way to approach life. And this is a good thing, but sometimes feeling that compulsion, that drive to achieve something, using all the resources that you have, feels good too.

Map Point. Where in my life can I find excitement?