What we share with others is massive. It denotes our beliefs, our ideals, our grievances. With different people we share different things, subduing and changing parts of our personality to fit in with differing social situations.

When I am at work, I don’t really share anything other than my most immediate plans; if I am going out somewhere that evening or had a particularly interesting day. And in new situations, I generally prefer to assess first before becoming my more usual self.

It occurred to me that in talking about how introvert or extrovert I am is situation dependent, but that is entirely misleading. Confidence levels are related to people, and that is what denotes the person who we are, and what we feel comfortable to share.

When I meet new people, despite finding chitchat hard work, I can talk with enough generality to create flow. It is then you can start to form opinions and decide whether this new person is someone who you think you can trust. Someone that you want to actively spend time with.

Some people that I have in my life, I felt an instant connection with, a sense that a particular person would be important in some way. These people I found it easy to open up with, as the level of sharing became mutual. With Robert, despite our very noticeable differences, we have remarkably similar life experiences, and it is an easy friendship to have. Am not saying that friendships don’t require effort, but for some friendships, it is easy to put the work in, as you know that the other person feels the same.

Robert started out primarily as an online friend, despite having met him in reality first. Our conversations became deep fast. I found in him, someone who loves to analyse and dissect as much as I do, and as such conversation exploded in so many subjects. It was and still is, incredible. I have a level of honesty with him, that based on my life so far, is rare. And then I started to wonder why, and that came back to trust.

When I have a friend that I have to continually edit my words with, eventually it feels like I am committing less of me to that friendship, thus my involvement in it wanes. It isn’t when people let you down or inadvertently push you into a dance podium that leaves you scarred for months that causes issues, its knowing that the person only likes you for what they want to hear from you, for what you can provide.

Being authentic is hard, and takes a high level of self worth to fully be so. And to the people who allow me to be truly myself? They are the angels, they make me shine.

Map Point. Where do I feel most me?

 

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