For the mess of other people, I am marvellous. I can look at someone’s untidiness and see instant ways to make it simple, more streamlined, more efficient. But for my own, I cannot. It isn’t the mess I want to think about today, but my rationale for wanting to tidy up in the first place.

It isn’t that I never want to tidy up, sometimes I feel super motivated and I am a super busy buzzing bee. Other times, I simply traverse around my house simply ignoring whatever clutter I have created. I find it interesting that I can vary between these two states with such intensity.

If someone is coming to my house that I don’t know very well, then generally I have a mad set to round the house, which would involve actually cleaning and tidying the kitchen, throwing all mess into the back room and hoovering all the new carpet that I find that has not seen light of day since the last time a mad set to took place. I guess this sort of clear stems from the guilt that I not adulting better and an expectation that I should be. My house growing up was generally always a space of tidy and calm. Except for my room which was mostly my own personal haven of chaos. It would be fair to say that this is a dominant personality aspect!

I think that I am in a phase now where I no longer feel the compulsion to tidy up when friends come over. This feels to be a good thing, I am more accepting of myself. But will there ever come a time where tidying up, living in a space of calm is something that I actively want to achieve?

The idea of living in a house where I can find everything without having to turn half the house upside down really does appeal. Getting rid of stuff that I don’t want I would like to be easy. Currently, there is a phased system for this.

  1. Put stuff I don’t want in a bag
  2. Look at the bag for a good few weeks, sometimes longer
  3. Re-sort bag, removing items that I cannot be parted with
  4. Make the brave step to actually take it to the charity shop
  5. Think about what I have taken for a goodly while afterwards

I don’t yet feel that there are any good ways to speed up this system with experiencing a tonne of regret, but I am optimistic that eventually, I will want a more tranquil residence to abide in. I think for me going forward, it is the possibility that I could change, rather than believing myself to be stuck. And for tonight? I will sit happily with the prospect that there are many new challenges ahead.

Map Point. What aspect of myself do I believe could never change?

 

 

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