Dreams

I keep seeing a scene from a dream I had a few months back. At the time it struck me as profound, and now in idle moments, it reappears. I dreamt I was somewhere in the area that I first went to university, built up, busy skyline. There were big coaches in a car park with lots of people board, and above were hundreds of lines of prayer flags, the sky was coloured with them.

Apparently, dreams are the way that brains process reality, or something like that. I understand where all the elements of the dream came from, but I find it truly incredible that my sleeping mind can create such incredible narratives. Whole stories with scenes, plotlines and characters. Dreaming is an amazing thing, like lots of other things. We accept something as normal because we are used to it without ever fully appreciating.

It’s like when I am ill, I aspire to good health, but when I am healthy, I don’t feel an active gratitude for this, I accept this as normal. And likely that should be normal for me, but in absence, we find worth to the previously overlooked. Simply acknowledging the most marvellousness of my body is something that I am trying to give more credence to.

My waking dreams, my hopes and aspirations are also something that I take for granted. I know what I want to achieve, but sometimes wanting something and taking it a stage further to actually getting it can be difficult. It’s almost as if I have a beautiful book of everything I want, and am sometimes I am content enough just to look at the pictures.

I try to think more about all the things that I am grateful for, but that is not enough. I need to act on the things that inspire me. I appreciate the low key areas of my life, but now it is time to make my picture book my reality.

Map Point. Which dreams do I never expect to achieve?

 

 

Third letter

Dearest Daughter,

To start with, I only have one daughter, and you are most certainly it. My only offspring. I want to explain every hope and aspiration that I have for you, everything that I think you will be, but this doesn’t serve you, you will make your own path with all the love and support that I can muster (a lot!), so instead I want to tell you about the hopes and aspirations that I have for my own life. It doesn’t matter how old you are, where you are in life, change is always your choice.

When I was around your fine age of eleven, I saw my life the way that everyone else I knew did. We would go through school, go to university, get married, have children and then be ready to ‘make a life’ by twenty-five. In my family, no one apart from me had been to university, but amongst my peers, it felt expected. Some of my friends chose baby names and planned wedding ceremonies. I possibly did this too, but cannot remember any details. As I grew older, and some of my friends became more fixed on that path, I realised that perhaps a path with fewer prerequisites was likely a better one for me to follow.

I then followed a path of education and two long-term relationships. I am still following the path for knowledge (MA application is in process!), but rather than needing a relationship because that’s what I thought I should have, I now see a relationship as a choice to be with someone who I can develop with, and help them to develop too. It feels to be a very different, and more authentic way to be.

Some people find their calling when they are little, others never find one thing, instead, they find many. As a child, I loved photography, drawing and writing, mostly poetry. I also loved playing the guitar. It occurred to me this morning that these have always been my passions, but for many years, I chose to ignore them. I chose to pursue things that seemed practical, that felt like things I should be doing, rather than I wanted to be doing. It has taken me a long time to get back to doing what I love, and it empowers me so much. Whatever you choose to do, do it from a place of love, obligation will not serve you long term, always keep some things in your life that make you shine.

Every dream and aspiration that you have will change over time. Every time you reach a goal, you will see new ways to pursue growth. Never stop learning. Whether this is new information or better ways to understand yourself, this is what has motivated me. Some times will feel dark and there will be incredible times too. Both you can take lessons from; this is how I choose to live my life. Don’t get stuck in a negative place for too long, but learn all you can from it. And utterly relish the highs, these will be your most important memories.

I love you to infinity empion

You are a lifetime of many, many moments

Mum.xx