Disappointed

Sometimes, no matter how much you hope, no matter how much you have faith in people, they let you down. Sometimes it is intentional, sometimes not. Other time people simply forget. But mostly it always hurts a little bit, always a little disappointment. Maybe there doesn’t have to be this, and we could see everything as an opportunity. I am not quite this enlightened as yet in my life, but I aspire to be. I forget things sometimes, and whilst I hope that other people don’t hold this against me too badly, this is my apology.

I am occasionally late. I have generally planned my outing, organised everything and I get down the stairs, with good time and get to my car. Usually, get as far as starting it too. Then I remember that one piece of vital something that I have forgotten. So I switch off the engine, lock the car, go back to my house and find whatever it is that I am so immediately in such desperate need of, and then all is well. Until a new wave of panic sets it and I repeat the process. Generally speaking, if I engage in this once, I will almost certainly engage a second time. Never to date a third, but somehow remembering one thing sets off a cascade of more things of forgotten.

Sometime I forget things altogether. This happens less often when I use my diary, but occasioanlly that goes missing too, but am improving on finding it with due haste (and abject panic). The only birthdays I remember are my three most immediate family members (and my own) and for anyone who wants photos that I have taken, I largely suggets arriving at my house with usb sticks, as this is likely the most immediate way of getting them.

But not always. Sometimes I am really good at all of the above. But this isn’t about what post is about, but I think that the word sorry is overused, and mostly an expression of gratitude to the people who show me patience is better received. So thank you.xx

Map Point. Who do I let down most often?

 

Certainty of spirit

Things that should be obvious.

  1. Good pain meds if you have a wisdom tooth removed. Especially with prolonged extraction and stitches (two).
  2. Left and right.
  3. Not wearing sandals when it rains.
  4. Not wearing socks, boots and jumpers when it’s sunny.
  5. Remembering to buy new shoes when old ones wear out. Or compensating with how you walk to account for the damaged shoes.

Many things in life appear to be straightforward. Some things are so amazingly simple, yet for some reason, I choose to make even the smallest task complex. It is definitely a skill. But when thinking about concepts and feelings, the waters can muddy.

It seems very natural to love people. We have our families and friends, people who we enjoy being close to, but at the same time, when I have felt sad or down in my life, this seems to be gloriously easy to forget. It’s as if the love we know we have from the people in our lives seems to evaporate, and although we are aware of their presence, it seems very far away, even if they are right next to us. But most obviously in my times of need, it would seem natural to seek out people who love us, rather than shutting off.

This is one of the biggest transitions that I feel I have made in my life. Learning to ask for help. It seems to be such an inconsequential thing, asking someone for a little of their time, but it can feel almost impossible. What if they are too busy? What if I am being overly needy? But what if by having someone help me, they actually feel empowered? Maybe with the same sense of contentment that I feel when I make someone’s smile a little brighter.

I think that both of these things have the same natural start point. Trust. Learning to trust myself was a hard journey. Knowing that I am capable and having confidence in my skills is one stage. For me, the other was knowing that the people in my life loved me very much and that if I needed help, then all I had to do was ask. They may grumble, but they wouldn’t let me down. It surprises me how far some people are prepared to go for just one person, how much love they have so ready to give. To me. Asking others for help has made me stronger, I see love projected.

  1. Not plunging foot into bath water from which intense steam is rising.

Map Point. Am I good at asking for help?