I keep seeing a scene from a dream I had a few months back. At the time it struck me as profound, and now in idle moments, it reappears. I dreamt I was somewhere in the area that I first went to university, built up, busy skyline. There were big coaches in a car park with lots of people board, and above were hundreds of lines of prayer flags, the sky was coloured with them.

Apparently, dreams are the way that brains process reality, or something like that. I understand where all the elements of the dream came from, but I find it truly incredible that my sleeping mind can create such incredible narratives. Whole stories with scenes, plotlines and characters. Dreaming is an amazing thing, like lots of other things. We accept something as normal because we are used to it without ever fully appreciating.

It’s like when I am ill, I aspire to good health, but when I am healthy, I don’t feel an active gratitude for this, I accept this as normal. And likely that should be normal for me, but in absence, we find worth to the previously overlooked. Simply acknowledging the most marvellousness of my body is something that I am trying to give more credence to.

My waking dreams, my hopes and aspirations are also something that I take for granted. I know what I want to achieve, but sometimes wanting something and taking it a stage further to actually getting it can be difficult. It’s almost as if I have a beautiful book of everything I want, and am sometimes I am content enough just to look at the pictures.

I try to think more about all the things that I am grateful for, but that is not enough. I need to act on the things that inspire me. I appreciate the low key areas of my life, but now it is time to make my picture book my reality.

Map Point. Which dreams do I never expect to achieve?




Misshapen days

Some days feel undeniably awkward. Nothing feels quite as it should. Things that I make taste good but there is something missing, and today feels like one of those days. I am not quite as connected as I usually am.

This morning was the last day of a short term job that I had. It felt quite exciting on some level, all of us clearing up the space at the end, but on another, the camaraderie, the funnies will now stop. And although it is a small loss, it is still an absence that I will now notice.

I was talking to Spidey earlier (not the one who can shoot web from his hands, somewhat disappointingly) and he was saying the exact same thing. Some days everything you touch just works out, almost without any effort whatsoever. And other days, whatever work you do, nothing feels to quite live up to your expectations, everything feels like additional effort.

I would like to offer something profound here. Perhaps something that would suggest that the misshapen days all build towards the days of brilliance and maybe they do. But it feels like more than that. It almost feels like a kind of expectation, a waiting area before the next breakthrough is made, before the next shiny moment arrives. And from this I can feel less awkward, less (please insert a word here that is an equally measured mixture of frustration, disappointment and possibility). I can feel hope.

Map Point. How does my today feel?