This is my hundredth post. I have been a little sketchy over the last couple of weeks but am now feeling in a place of creation. This feels most me.
My daughter left her junior school and is due to start secondary in September. It was strange walking into the junior school, knowing it would be the last time that I would see my daughter emerge from her classroom. It would also be the last time I would see the familiar faces of people that I have come to regard as friends, all the amazing parents that I have passed the time in idle chatter with whilst waiting for our children to find their ways out of the building. It won’t be my last time in the school, as I run a science club there, but all my volunteer commitments are over now. No more school discos to run, flowers to order, cash and carry’s to visit or any of the other things that have kept me occupied during the past few years. On my final week there I was given some flowers which felt heart fuzzy.
I have stopped and started other sorts of work, resolved some headspace bits, made several piles of things to leave the house (they are in phase one, thus in no actual danger of leaving the house currently, but the process has begun!) and am about to embark on my post grad studies. Everything is changing. Tomorrow I am planning on playing ‘Musical House’ (as opposed to chairs), and am looking forward to seeing where all the furniture will end up! It is a time of transition.
This has also been a period of anxiety for me. My sleep has been gloriously unaffected but it has been a phase of apathy. When I get really anxious, sometimes I find it easier to close down a little, not to engage so much. Seeing people is hard when I feel like this. It isn’t that I doubt the love my friends have for me and I know they would support me, but I also know it’s only me that can truly lift me up. Other people can provide a temporary distraction, but only I can make this permanent. Tonight, after a very slow afternoon, I had a sudden boon of energy. I feel energised, new and smiley all over again. I try not to wear anxious for too long.
In so many classic stories, the duality of best and worst are often expressed. This is likely something we all experience at different points. As the extremes of my life present themselves in tandem, it makes me realise how truly blessed I am for the highs that empower me and the lows that give me guidance for reflection.
Thank you to everyone who has supported and encouraged, commented and critiqued, liked, shared and said the most beautiful things about my writing. Next milestone, two hundred! Much love and shiny.xx
Map Point. What am I completely proud of?