Trust

A couple of mornings ago, the alarm was ringing on the tablet. I picked it up and silenced it without opening my eyes. This was a first. It occurred to me that there is likely more I can instinctually do than I give myself credit for.

I can type pretty fast when I look at the keyboard. Only I am not really looking at it, I am just generally staring down at the keyboard, somewhat zoned out in the seeing department. I know that my fingers are moving to the right keys, but I kinda need to be on visual standby, just in case. If I look away from the keys, I can still type absolutely fine for a bit, and then suddenly I realise what I am doing, panic sets in, and my fingers desperately try to invent a new language. Which no one, likely not even me (and I know what I intended to write) has any chance of deciphering. It’s a matter of trust.

I remember standing in the line to see the teacher at primary school. My handwriting was not good. I had been waiting for quite a long time to see her and when I finally got to the hallowed front of the queue, my teacher attempted to read what I had written. Clearly, she couldn’t and asked me to read it out to her. I looked at the words. We both looked at the piece again. I had utterly no idea what my scrawlings were attempting to convey. But maybe this gave me the impetus to try again, and eventually, handwriting clicked for me (although some people, may likely disagree with this!). Even now I can write things down and have utterly no idea what I have written, which the way I see things, is definitely a skill.

Developing new skills is a massive effort in persistence and determination. It requires much energy, but when you have gained the skill, then you can develop trust in your new ability, trust in yourself to carry out a task as planned. Whether this is playing a musical instrument, mastering a new piece of tech or a myriad of other things (including touch typing) there comes a point where you can rely on yourself, you know that you are accomplished, you have achieved.

Letting go of self-doubt can be just as hard. It would be amazing if my eyes simply knew that my fingers were fully competent on the keyboard, but not only do I need to learn to have more trust, I also need to let go of the familiarity of doubt.

Map Point. Are my doubts justified?